so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
