If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
