Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My balls are so social today.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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