who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
