OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
