he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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