You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
