Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so let's talk penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Mom said you looked used
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
