hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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