he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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