yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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