bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
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