I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
