my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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