he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
