BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
