Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
