Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
