Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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