on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
