I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
