How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were trust falling into bushes
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
