Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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