I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
