By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
