He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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