I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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