I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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