sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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