I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
