why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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