i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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