Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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