Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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