Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm having to shit out rocks
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
