at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
