I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize