My liver just broke up with me...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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