am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
