Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize