I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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