Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
