I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
