You're so nebulous sometimes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
