im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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