If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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