i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
