I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
