You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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