i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
