I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
