Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
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you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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