Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
