everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
