that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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