my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
