My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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