so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
