I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk is not a location!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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