I wannas sexs uuuuu
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize