p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
