hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
