There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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