Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
