the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
