i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
