Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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